Love can mean differently to different age groups. For the very young, it may be associated with infatuation and crushes. As they grow a little older, love can mean romance and bliss. When they get much older and consider marriage, love becomes synonymous to commitment. However, feelings fade as beauty and youth deteriorates. It is on this adult stage that divorce and separation occurs. Which stage of life then has true love really happened?
When feelings fade, you may one day realize that your perspective has greatly changed too. You may be looking at your partner with objective eyes now and realize that the ideal man or woman is gone. There in front of you is an individual in flesh with warts, wrinkles and a lot of inner and outer weaknesses. However hard you try, you may not really love what you see, not even want looking at that person at all.
When this happens, you need to make the most crucial choice in your entire life. You have to choose between feelings or commitment. If you choose feelings then you may follow your heart and go away. Otherwise, you can decide to stay and act on your commitment.
Love is an act of the will.
Undeniably, feelings do fade. They are as fickle as the direction of the wind, unpredictable and unreliable. When your relationship is founded on feelings which are often anchored on physical appearance, it will surely collapse. On the other hand, when you have decided to stick to one another no matter what happens then what you have is true love or real commitment.
Love is actually an act of the will. When you enter into a relationship, you should do so with open eyes and mind. You must accept the fact that beauty and youthfulness will soon be gone. You have to decide to love the person behind the physical form; you have to appreciate him/her in his/her totality. Then when the time comes to say goodbye to youth, you can still be holding hands and remain together till death do you part.
In modern psychological term, many couples separate because of incompatibility and/or psychological incapacity. Feelings or commitment is not usually the issue here. Too bad, the separating parties did not even consult a psychologist before they entered into a serious relationship as marriage. These modern terms are only confusing the minds of couples. When psychologists say incompatibility, they simply acknowledge that there is a perfect match. How can two individuals be compatible when they are so different from each other because no two individuals are ever the same? This is a lame excuse; instead of simply acknowledging that the feelings fade or that they don’t find their partners attractive anymore.
Psychological incapacity is another confusing term. No one can be totally mature at a certain age. Each one is continually learning and growing from one level of maturity to another. Thus, many people who have acquired more years in life or have grown in years do not necessarily have matured. Emotional maturity is relative such that each partner needs to adjust to each other’s weaknesses. If they can’t, they can always seek help and advice from friends, family or professionals. In this case, true love is a willingness to change and be changed through time.
The irony of the matter is that the marriage vow is so serious yet it is taken so lightly. Amidst the trend of divorce and separation, every individual must think carefully and be able to master his/her feelings before getting serious with a relationship. It is for one’s own sake that you have to determine if it is feelings or commitment that is prevailing in your decision. You must be ready when the time comes when feelings fade.