Dating is a complicated necessity for us social beings. It’s very hard to find the one person you’re most comfortable and compatible with, and this complexity leads some people to resort to an ingenious way of feeling blissful without commitments. Does the term ‘friends with benefits’ ring a bell?
Aside from being the latest flick of pop superstar Justin Timberlake actress Mila Kunis, the term ‘friends with benefits’ is probably a relationship status almost everyone can relate with. At one point or another, you may have had a friend who was really more than a friend, but less than a boyfriend or girlfriend. If not, you probably knew someone who did. But the main question is, does it work?
Before starting a casual relationship built on friendship and romance , here are some of the questions you’d have to ask yourself first:
Are you truly friends?
The first step is to choose a partner you’re actually friends with. This is probably the most important step to remember in an FWB relationship. Of course, the idea of using your friend that way may be awkward at first, but you can’t actually propose this kind of set up to someone you barely even know. Being comfortable with the each other can make it easier for friends to set rules and understand each other’s quirks.
Are you willing to follow a set of rules?
No one would like to see a friendship go to waste. In an FWB relationship, the best way to protect your emotions is to set rules. It must be agreed upon by both parties and strictly enforced at all times. Friendship and romance, if kept as a casual deal, can be tricky for your emotions. Rules can help you distinguish the real deal from the set up. If you follow, both of you will succeed in convincing yourselves that nothing special is going on.
Can you compartmentalize?
The key word here is benefits, not feelings. Compartmentalize your emotions – you won’t need that in this kind of relationship. Friends with benefits are not like couples who can express feelings of jealousy or demand more attention. To hold the power, be less involved by not letting emotions get in the way. Keep your options open and remember that your still single.
Are you looking for a long-term relationship?
Unlike the ones in movies, most friends with benefits relationships don’t end up well. In real life, one will succumb to emotions, and this person is most probably looking for a long-term relationship to begin with. If you want something that lasts, never jump into this casual set up. FWB relationships also make it more difficult for you to find a partner who’s willing to commit. ‘The friend’ will always be a threat to you and to them.
Can you let go of the pressure?
Don’t sweat the small stuff – you’re only allowed to this in a real relationship. Mixing friendship and romance is supposed to give you convenience, not a headache. Remember that this is supposed to be enjoyable for you both. Putting too much pressure will not only ruin your FWB relationship, but can also ruin the friendship itself.
